Self Talk – Curse or Blessing?

Self Talk. Thinking. Where else does communicating start but with ourselves? But what exactly are we telling ourselves? What is our self talk? And what is the impact on ourselves and with others?
And can we choose thoughts that make us feel better, more resourceful – the blessing? Or are we hapless victims of thoughts that somehow magically descend from the Land of WhoKnowsWhere – the curse?

For a little investigation, courtesy of Lion Goodman (see link below), here are 10 things we can tell ourselves that pretty much guarantee that the outcome will be misery. Misery for yourself and for those others around you.
Although this was written with irony, I believe that most of us reading this will notice one or more of these thoughts we have experienced. To think them now and again is just part of the ups and downs of life but problems come when we become sucked in and trapped by them like a whirlpool.
As you read your way through these 10, notice what happens to your body and your feelings. Does your body seem lighter or heavier? Are you happier, more joyful than when you started reading them?

1. Resist change. Put your foot on the brakes in any attempt to move forward. Undermine other people’s progress so you don’t get left behind.
2. Resist what is. Don’t like it. Let it eat at you because it’s not what you wanted. Wish it would change or go away. Think of being happy if it were different, and then recognize that it will never be different.
3. Attempt to control the outcome of whatever you’re involved in.
4. Find the actual outcome insufficient, wrong, or unbearable.
5. Try to change or control others’ behavior, thoughts, and feelings.
6. Try to change or control the physical environment.
7. Notice things that are wrong, imperfect, or could be better.
8. Be pissed off at someone (or everyone) and don’t tell them directly.
9. Take things seriously. Very seriously. Very, very seriously.
10. Take things personally. They’re probably talking about you right now.

Ok, so if you don’t think these type of thoughts, what else can you think?
How about self appreciation for starters? Here are 9 ways to appreciate yourself.
Before you start, notice any resistance you have to reading on, to answering any of these. If you did, I’m guessing that although the sensations and feelings were far less pleasant, the 10 ways above were more familiar and easier to identify with than the next 9. Yet notice what happens in your body and your feelings as you read and respond to them.
And if any of these seem less awkward to say to yourself, give yourself permission to repeat it/them as a matter of habit. Believe me, you will surely have formed a well grooved habit with the critical comments.
Time to redress the balance, don’t you think?.

1. Look into the mirror and say “I appreciate you.”
2. “One unique quality I have that I appreciate is ____________________.”
   (e.g., warmth, the quality of my laugh, my commitment to learning, etc.)
3.  “I appreciate my skill in ____________________.”
   (e.g., handling difficult situations with ease, singing, organizing, cooking, etc.)
4.  “I appreciate my body and especially my _____________________________.”
   (e.g., eyes, calves, smile, belly, breasts, butt, etc.)
5.  “A quality of play I appreciate in myself is my ____________________.”
   (e.g., infectious sense of humor, wit, creative use of words, ability to not take myself
   seriously, etc.)
6.  “One aspect of my voice I really appreciate is my ___________________________.”
   (e.g., tone, resonance, melody, warmth, etc.)
7.  “Something about the way I see the world that I appreciate is _________________.”
   (e.g., drawing out the hidden potential in people, seeing every moment as a new
   adventure, leading with gratitude, etc.)
8.  “I appreciate the value I place on ___________________________________.”
   (e.g., listening to others, completions, beauty, fun, etc.)
9.  “I appreciate how much I have grown in ____________________________.”
   (e.g., demonstrating integrity, expressing how I feel, appreciating myself, enjoying life to
   its fullest, etc.)

So there we have it. My contention is a simple one. We can choose our self talk and our choices have consequences.
I don’t claim to be original or earth shattering with this comment, I offer it as a reminder to us all rather sharing something that you never knew before.
But as I remind myself frequently, there’s knowing what to do and then there’s doing what I know. True for you too?

Thanks to Lion Goodman for the ‘Misery’ extract. For the full article visit https://liongoodman.com/endarkenment/
and to The Hendricks Institute for the self appreciation extract. For more of their work, visit www.hendricks.com