Making Friends with Change – New Beginnings (1)

Beginnings at the end?
It may seem strange to have the topic of beginnings as a last post in this series, but that fits the model I’m promoting and have followed since I came across it in the late 90’s. How I came upon Bridges’ work, I now don’t remember but I put it under the umbrella of synchronicity about which I will say more later.
I’ve noticed that I’m finding this post the hardest to sit and write about. This could be my habit of struggling to finish projects. However, I’m writing this in the middle of April, 2020 and much of the known world is experiencing an upheaval the like of which will not have been experienced to this extent before.
I’m referring to the response to a corona virus that for some is creating a life threatening condition. ‘Lockdown’ has become a word now used more widely than its previous description of a response to prisoner disturbance.

A clear example
Connecting with the topic of these posts, there can be no clearer example of an ending, even temporarily, for millions of people of a way of life that has become familiar. There is no denying the shock and trauma that this very sudden response is having on people and the emotional wave that’s been caused just as strongly as if we were close to a volcanic eruption or earthquake epicentre.
It’s clear what such an ending is revealing, literally in some areas of the world, as personal vehicle use and air travel is virtually at a standstill, skies that were heavily polluted have cleared and cityscapes, long obscured become visible. Being called into question is the way of life that most people have got used to living.
It’s not the purpose of this post to delve into this, save to say that whenever such a significant ending takes place, another model can be helpful to use, that of Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s description of the grieving process.
The time spent in the Limbo Stage may also be longer than we’d like,as we strive to make sense of what’s happened.

So to beginnings
Bridges’ model shows us that the 3 stages are not separate compartments. There is overlap within each. We may have been imagining, dreaming, hoping even that ‘when the time was right’, we would make a change. For most of us, I believe, these possibilities can remain just that: ones we will die with or consign to a younger, more idealistic, fanciful self. Now however, there can be just such a time to realise a dream.
I realise this suggestion may seem uncaring, as many people will already feel the difficulty of daily coping and the prospect of thinking about anything other than getting through today is way beyond a ‘bridge too far’.
But not all of us are in that place. Those of us who can make this time to imagine a different, better way to live life have that chance, that choice and yes, that responsibility.

The necessary ingredients
So what elements are always present in creating a new beginning? What elements do you need to daydream?
I’m guessing, time, space, to feel relaxed, to allow yourself to wonder, to ask open questions like, ‘what would bring me true joy?’, ‘what did I really enjoy as a child where time would disappear?’, ‘if money was no problem, how would I express myself creatively? In writing, painting, making things with wood, cooking?’
Let me ask this: where do any of your ideas for doing things you’ve not done before come from anyway?
I mentioned the word ‘synchronicity’ earlier. It’s a word that Carl Jung used to describe what most of us might call co-incidence, even a stroke of luck.
So what’s the difference? Co-incidence and luck suggest the sort of randomness a breeze will bring to the life of a fragile feather, piece of cherry blossom or a single snowflake. Synchronicity suggests there is an intelligence at work that defies our logical understanding but fits with a personal belief about how the world really operates.

My own experience
Two personal experiences come to mind. Several years ago, one autumn I was in a bookshop in Glastonbury, casually browsing. One book caught my eye in a way that had never happened before. The spine was almost glowing. I walked away, came back and had the same experience from the same book. I bought it. It sat on my bookshelf until the Christmas holidays came around and I made time to start reading it. As soon as I got into it, I said to my partner Chris, we have to go to America to do some work with this guy. Which we did on more than one occasion to our great benefit. From a glowing book spine to some profound learnings. I can only explain this as a form of guidance that my intellect struggles to explain.

More synchronicity 
I knew I was coming to the end of my school teaching work but what else to do? I saw an advert in my local paper which I answered and found myself at a preliminary interview which seemed to go well. I was told the name of a manager who I’d need to speak to about securing the job.
That evening I’d already planned to see a local band I’d caught before that I liked. They were playing at a small club that I’d never been to before. Arriving there, I was told that the scheduled band had cancelled and a replacement band were on instead. ‘Oh well,’ I thought, ‘such is life’. The band were ok, no, better than ok, they were very good.
At the end of the first set, I was talking with a friend about the band, how we were enjoying the brass section in particular. ‘Oh yes.’ my fiend said and named the trombone player. ‘Say again,’ I said in some disbelief for the trombonist was the very manager I needed to speak to about the job I’d interviewed for that very day!
Speaking with him after the set, I agreed to phone him the following day and after another interview with him, I got the job!
These, I choose to believe are examples of synchronicity which encourage us to follow a trail that seems to make little rational sense at the time.

There is more that I want to write about this stage which will appear soon. In the meantime, if you think I can be of any personal help at this or any other time, do get in contact. Just click on the link here.