Frightened of Storms?

You’re not alone. But let me be clear. I don’t mean the weather. I mean the storms that occur within us and between us. They might be the low level rumblings as we try to work out or agree what to have to eat, which film to see, where to go at the weekend or for a longer holiday. What starts out as a conversation can assume greater intensity, as disagreements & differences of opinion become arguments, even raging rows.

Storms. It’s a graphic word isn’t it? What does it suggest to you? Not a type of weather that most of us like to be out in, is it? Thunder, lightning, howling wind, pouring rain, exposed & vulnerable, maybe far from shelter. No wonder it’s a stage in relationship building that we’re keen to avoid or rush through as quickly as possible. Yet without having the courage and skill to navigate our way safely through this stage, we cannot progress to a place we long for with others.

One particular storm happened to me a long time ago and set me on a path that made me rethink everything I’d learned about communication and dealing with disagreement in particular. best clear nail stamper

“What you going to do now, dad?”

I opened my mouth to answer but no words came. Just a look at my 5 year old son, then at the hole I’d just made in the wall with my fist. I was shaking. With anger and now embarrassment, shame even. I was more like a 5 year old than my 5 year old. ‘What the heck just happened?’ I thought. ‘How come I’d got so mad? And me, a schoolteacher who was keen on peacemaking’. Ouch! An extra helping of shame.

I wanted to find a better way of dealing with difference & disagreement besides the habitual method of winning & losing. This is a natural & accepted outcome of playing a competitive sport but when it comes to relating with other people, it’s a recipe for disaster. It makes for a perfect breeding ground for resentment. best nail stamping plates

You see, I had learned as a parent and teacher to use the word ‘disobedience’ when a child disagreed with me. But as one of my teachers, Marshall Rosenberg, revealed to me, ‘I’ll be forever grateful to my children… They taught me that, first of all, I couldn’t make them do what I want. I couldn’t make them do anything. I couldn’t make them put a toy back in the toy box. I couldn’t make them make their bed. I couldn’t make them eat. Now, that was quite a humbling lesson for me as a parent, to learn about my powerless-ness, because somewhere I had gotten it into my mind that it was the job of a parent to make a child behave. And here were these young children teaching me this humbling lesson that I couldn’t make them do anything. All I could do is make them wish they had. professional dog nail clippers

And whenever I would be foolish enough to do that, that is, to make them wish they had, they taught me a second lesson about parenting and power that has proven very valuable to me over the years. And that lesson was that anytime I would make them wish they had, they would make me wish I hadn’t made them wish they had. Violence begets violence.’

Now I’m in a position to share what I’ve learned and practised for years. Are you wanting a different & better way of dealing with difference & disagreement too?